By Gabrielle Schwartz
All of this new technology is scary for everyone. No one quite knows the effects it’s going to have on us in the future, so how can you encourage your kids to use their phones for good? I know what you’re thinking, “What could a 16 year old know about parenting?” Well the answer is I have no clue, but I can tell you how I have worked with my parents to figure out how to make my phone experience a little bit more positive.
First, I gave my phone a little makeover. I deleted all of the apps that were really distracting. For me that was mostly games, since I haven’t been ready to let go of my social media (yet). I started downloading meditation apps and more educational apps such as ones that quiz you on fun facts or SAT prep. Not only did this encourage me to use these types of apps more, but it helped relieve me from the temptation to constantly be on my phone. I feel a little bit more accomplished and motivated when I chose to use these apps instead of distracting ones that I don’t really benefit from, such as Temple Run. Although I do consider my Temple Run score to be one of my greatest accomplishments, and some would even say I’m a Temple Run wizard, it is certainly a distraction and takes away from my life in the real world.
The next thing I did was create an empowering playlist. This seems really simple, but it has made such a difference. I put songs on my playlist that motivate and lift me up. For me, that involved a lot of Beyonce, but your playlist can be anything you want it to be. I listen to it every morning as I get ready to start my day and it reminds me that I have the power to make my day great and that’s what I chose do. Music can have so much power and personal connection that I automatically associate these songs with positivity, just as I associate my shower with cleanliness. Our phones allow us to have every song we could ever want right at our fingertips, why not take advantage of that?
When my playlist doesn’t do the trick, I turn to podcasts. There are so many podcasts that are really easy to download, and are empowering and inspiring. Spotify has a huge selection of empowering podcasts, which is where I normally find the ones I like to listen to. Spotify also has really funny ones which help me laugh more throughout the day. These are also great resources to use when you are feeling stressed or anxious. It allows you to sit and be stimulated without your face planted in a screen. It can also be the perfect distraction when you can’t seem to calm your mind.
No one should rely on their phone, but it’s hard for teenagers who have become addicted to the validation they get from social media. Receiving a “like” can give the same feeling as receiving a compliment. If you could receive 50 compliments in a row, wouldn’t you post too? This is artificial happiness that teens can be addicted to, so knowing when to stop can be very important. It’s important that teens learn internal validation and self confidence, so they become less reliant on these small doses of appreciation. Learning to be a confident teenager is like learning to love kale: almost impossible, but the more you try it the easier it becomes. The important thing to remember is less social media time, more self love time. Social media doesn’t need to have the power over us to make us feel bad!
When teens are with our friends, we don't need our phones! As much we might say we need them, we can have fun without them. Putting our phones down and getting out of the house is so important in order for teens to build social skills. As sad as it is for parents, we are going to have to leave eventually and start our own lives, which can be very hard if we don’t have good social skills. We learn how to be better communicators by communicating more. I know it’s a crazy concept. Getting out and doing things can be really hard to plan, but that prevents the Friday night hangout I know all too well, where everyone is sitting together, but on their phones, doing their own thing.
What if some teens don’t want to put their phones down? Give them a reason why they don’t need it. If my parents just tried to take my phone away and didn’t give me a good reason, I would feel like they were punishing me rather than helping me. Explain how bad phones can be when we are glued to them and how learning to do things without relying on our phones is really important, and teens will be more likely to want to put it down. If I’m with my friends and we are all sitting on our phones and my mom comes in and explains to us how important it is to learn social skills because we all want to do really well in our future college and job interviews and our phones can’t help us grow in that way, I will first be mortified, but it will be very hard to argue with my mom because she is right! Helping teens understand how detrimental our obsession is with our phones will encourage us to get off them more. Although it doesn’t always seem like it, we are understanding creatures and can sometimes admit that our parents are right.
Gabrielle Schwartz is an 11th grader at Germantown Friends School.
“For the month of January, my school requires the juniors to participate in an internship, and I chose to intern at The Center for Family Empowerment. Interning here has given me the opportunity to learn so much about psychology. Through research and being immersed in the practice, I have realized the importance of self-empowerment and empowering others.“