What does it mean to be a highly sensitive person?
“You’re too sensitive!”
“Just get over it and move on!”
“Stop CRYING at every little thing!”
Sound familiar? You might be one of the 20% of the population possessing the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) trait. Having the HSP trait means that you “process things more deeply, such as cues, emotions, and experiences.” You’re more tuned into your environment than others may be, and you pick up on very minor cues that often go overlooked.
HSPs don’t only observe these subtle cues – you often have an emotional reaction to them. When you are picking up on so many small, easily missed cues, it’s easy to get stressed and overwhelmed. It can make seemingly easy social interactions draining and highly emotional.
Signs you may be a highly sensitive person:
Sensory stimuli (noises, lights, coarse or uncomfortable clothing) often overwhelm you
Action packed or violent movies & TV overwhelm you, so you try to avoid them
You are easily flustered/unsettled when you have many things to do in a short amount of time
You are very emotionally influenced by art, nature, or any other expression of human beauty
Your inner life is rich & complex
What obstacles can being an HSP create?
Having the HSP trait is not a bad thing; many people see it as a gift, or superpower. Dr. Elae Aron, the psychologist who discovered the HSP trait, describes it as a neutral trait of temperament which, like anything else, presents both advantages and disadvantages.
As an HSP, you have the advantage to be more in tune with how others are feeling, which can allow you to strengthen a relationship. You feel things deeply, so art and music and books can impact you more. It allows you to tune into the happiness others are feeling, to tap into a deeper gratitude for the things in life you appreciate, and to be deeply moved and thoughtful on a regular basis.
But all coins have two sides. Downsides for HSPs could include the following:
“Schedule” Stress:
HSPs use up a lot of social and emotional energy in seemingly mundane or commonplace interactions. They are picking up on every single thing - even subtle social cues - and processing them all, so even short interactions can be draining. So when HSPs suddenly have too many things going on in their schedule, they can start to feel extremely overwhelmed. They also are more likely to feel time pressure, even if there is enough time to get everything they need to done.
Stress of Others’ Expectations:
Since highly sensitive people are more in tune with minor cues, there is a risk of interpreting cues incorrectly. HSPs don’t want to say no to others, and risk potentially disappointing or upsetting them, so they often take on more than they can handle without expressing that they’re overwhelmed. They also often feel as though they are responsible for whether those around them are happy.
Extreme Stress from Minor Conflicts:
Because highly sensitive people often feel that they are responsible for the happiness of those around them, and sensitive to mood shifts and subtle cues, minor conflicts often have large emotional impact of them. They’ll feel not only their own stress from the conflict, but the stress from the other person.
Reduced “Tolerations”:
Tolerations are just what they sound like – things in our daily lives that we are able to tolerate, despite being stressful or frustrating. A highly sensitive person is able to manage fewer of these than a non-HSP. Highly sensitive people are more sensitive to noise distractions, bad smells, or any other sort of sensory annoyance – which can make even seemingly minor things like background chatter extremely grating. Because of that, highly sensitive people are able to tolerate less of these little annoyances, and may find increased stress if they are unable to control or reduce the distractions around them.
How does therapy help highly sensitive people?
Therapy can be an enormous help to highly sensitive people. It can help make it easier for an HSP to:
set & enforce boundaries
learn stress management skills for when situations are overwhelming
separate their decision making from perceived others expectations of them
It’s common for highly sensitive people to feel they’ve let themselves get lost in the shuffle – while being so in tune to other’s feelings & moods, they often leave themselves as the last priority. This can lead to lots of self-doubt that therapy provides a space to work through. When before, you may have tried to manage all of these feelings and stimuli and subtle cues on your own, therapy gives you a designated time & place to get support while managing them.
Are you a highly sensitive person looking for a therapist who gets you? Learn more about Cat McLaughlin MA, NCC, LPC, and a specialist for highly sensitive people here: