DBT stands for dialectical behavioral therapy; it’s a form of talk therapy that is based on cognitive behavioral therapy, but adapted for those who experience emotions at a more intense rate than those around them–which can make it a wonderful option for teens who are managing such intense emotions through their development.
Your Teen & Self Esteem
There are many benefits to a strong sense of self esteem; with a strong sense of self esteem comes a strong sense of self confidence and self worth. With those, we’re able to hear constructive criticism or have an easier time with difficult conversations with others, because we know our self worth doesn’t change in difficult situations. Without that strong sense of self esteem, the outcomes of difficult situations start to feel like they define your worth, rather than your worth being inherent.
4 Things Your Teen Wants You to Know (But Doesn't Know How to Tell You)
While your child may have been more open and dependent on you when they were younger, as a teen they are likely trying to establish some independence, and figure out who they are for themselves. Those are great things! But it can cause issues for your feelings of connection and your ability to communicate with them effectively.
And, since they’re still learning the foundational skills for healthy relationships, teens often don’t know how to let you know they need help or are struggling. To help, we’ve put together 4 blogs on what your teen wishes you knew, but doesn’t know how to tell you.
3 Ways to Help Your Teen Manage Anger
Parents often worry that angry teens are out of control or that there is nothing they can do to help. It can be hard to remember exactly what it feels like to be a teenager, and teens today have pressures that we couldn’t even imagine when we were growing up. When you feel like you don’t know how to relate to your teen, it can be overwhelming to try to support them through a difficult time.
4 Tips to Navigate Conflict with Your Teen
Do you know how to manage conflict with your teen when it comes up?
Here’s what commonly happens:
Teens, who are less able and less practiced in how to regulate their own emotions, are quicker to anger or and prone to catastrophizing. This means, instead of being able to hear what you, their parents, are trying to communicate to them, they just hear criticism–so they get defensive, and attack.
Parents are, of course, only human. So while in practice reacting to their aggression with anger of your own teen only exacerbates the conflict, it’s a common reaction when we feel like we aren’t being heard, considered, or respected. And many adults aren’t taught proper emotional regulation skills to begin with, so learning how to apply those skills and model them for your teen is something that must be consciously and intentionally practiced.
Here’s what to do instead:
Lower your voice & calm your body:
Like we said in an old post, sometimes the simplest action of lowering your voice can defuse an argument from escalating and stopping the fight/flight response. Our bodies have muscle memory, if you take a physical step back, your mind will soon follow with healthy behaviors previously learned or practiced. Once calm, remember to return to the conversation in order to process.
This is also something you should teach your teen to do with conflict too! Guide them through the importance of giving their body space to calm down, so they can come to hard conversations without a physical feeling of distress. The more they do this, the easier addressing conflict will be for them, because their body won’t be sending them unnecessary distress signals.
Note that in the midst of a conflict is probably not a good time to tell them this–and it may even come across as trying to get your teen to be quiet. Make time to talk with them about ways to calm themselves (breathing techniques, journaling, physical release, etc.) when they are feeling conflict in their bodies.
Consider the setting:
The time and place you have difficult conversations with your teen matters. It should be when all people involved have time to have a proper, unrushed conversation–meaning you shouldn’t be “squeezing in.” In a culture that rewards productivity it can feel like there’s always something more pressing than sitting down and talking–especially with the demanding schedules of a family–but it’s crucial to make time for talking with your teen.
Where you talk to them should also be somewhere they feel both comfortable and safe. So, not in a public place, even if it’s one they like, not in front of other people, even if they are friends or loved ones. At your home, privately, with assurance that you’re there to listen to them is best.
Give them space to express what they’re feeling:
When teens feel like they aren’t being heard, the behavior you’re struggling with (motivated by whatever feelings they can’t communicate) will just increase. Let them know you’re safe to turn to, that when they’re upset they can come to you to find solutions with them that they can’t find on their own.
You might think the conflict you’re having is about one thing, but giving your teen space to express themselves can help you understand what’s happening for them in this situation which will help you to…
…address the underlying issue:
If your teen is acting out, chances are good that there’s a reason behind the behavior. They might feel unheard, ignored, overlooked–so many things you might not even realize because they don’t know how to express them.
They might not be blowing off school work because they “don’t care” but because they’re struggling to meet the high expectations put on teens academically, socially, with their extracurriculars, or things like that. Rather than try and fail to meet expectations, it might feel more emotionally safe for them to not try at all.
Punishing them for “not caring about school” doesn’t fix that problem, and just demonstrates to them that you don’t have space for their complex feelings. When you get to the root of the issue, you and your teen can get on the same page again.
If you’re looking for additional support in managing conflict with your teen, we can help!
3 Ways to Show Your Teen You're Someone Safe to Turn To
Do you know how your teen’s mental health is actually doing?
According to this NAMI survey on teen mental health, while 64% of teens feel the world is more stressful now than when their parents were alive, and 65% say they feel comfortable talking about their mental health with the people they’re close to, the numbers of those who do actually seek support from those around them are much lower.
How Art Can Unlock Your Emotions
Art is a fantastic way to work through your emotions and process how you’re feeling. In fact, some art therapists even describe art as making the invisible visible. So, you might be asking yourself, why does art appeal to us? How does it cause us to feel an emotional response?
Why You Shouldn't Praise Kids for Being "Smart"
The praises we give to children matter, and how we speak to them and react to their behavior makes an imprint on them that they will carry far longer than the moment between you. So when a child accomplishes something, it matters if we tell them “Wow! Aren’t you proud of yourself for how hard you tried?” instead of “Wow! You’re so smart!”
Mindful Rituals for Birthday Reflection
Sometimes birthdays can be hard if you’re experiencing conflict in your relationships, making it feel like you can’t celebrate with the people you normally would. Or if you’re not in the mood for a big party or celebration, it can feel like you’re being boring or not doing anything to acknowledge the event. If you aren’t sure how to mark the date, but don’t quite feel like throwing a party, here are 4 reflective practices you can use to think over your last year, and how you want the coming year to look for you.