By Sarah Wiley, LSW
The adolescence years are filled with many experiences, and many leading towards teenagers trying to gain independence. For many teenagers, this comes as a struggle of trying to find how they can gain their independence. At times this is attended by teens using their voice in unhealthy matters, such as raising their voice, using foul language, and lashing out in order to gain control.
Teens are still learning how to problem-solve. Many teens watch adults argue, although do not watch how they come back to discussion in order to problem-solve. Teens can often become resentful towards parents as they assume parents forgive one another faster due to not seeing the resolution. It is important to engage your teen in order to teach them healthy communication and problem-solving.
Struggling with a teen that is threatening you does feel extremely intensive. At times there could be extra people within the argument that you do not physically see. Teens rely on their friend group for almost everything during these years, and this has become easier over the years with a friend only a text away. They discuss their issues with friends that are able to validate their feelings; this is, of course, a struggle added to the argument as your teen has now been provided increased confidence in a possibly negative aspect to increase aggressive language.
Many times teens are begging for a relationship with you, I know might be hard to believe. These behaviors can be addressed and at times support is needed. Although, hope without action or change is wasted. The sooner you start, the better chance you have of changing these behaviors, but sometimes it means changing your whole family communication style. Simply put, if you want to change the way your child is doing things, you’re going to have to change the way your whole family is doing things as well. You do not have to do this alone; it can be done together and become stronger.