There’s a mental health crisis happening with American teens right now.
And it’s no surprise–while there’s been vaccinations and lowered precautions, we’re not living in a COVID free world yet, and many of teens' major developmental years have been focused on surviving a pandemic. In the midst of some major personal growth and transformation and maybe even dealing with some unwieldy emotions that being a teen and going through puberty can bring, they’ve had to constantly adjust to new normals. That’s hard enough on those of us who aren’t in critical stages of our cognitive development.
Do you know how your teen’s mental health is actually doing?
According to this NAMI survey on teen mental health, while 64% of teens feel the world is more stressful now than when their parents were alive, and 65% say they feel comfortable talking about their mental health with the people they’re close to, the numbers of those who do actually seek support from those around them are much lower.
When it comes to talking to their parents about their mental health, that number drops to 48% and then down further to 34% when asked if they seek mental health information from their parents (rather than just confide their own feelings).
However, for those who do seek information about their mental health, 95% report trusting their parents (compared to the 78% trust reported in friends).
This shows what a powerful resource parents can be when for teens struggling to care for their mental health.
And we know that parents want to be able to be resources for their kid’s mental health. The Pew Research Center shows us here that the number one concern with parents is their child struggling with anxiety or depression.
The Pew Research Center also shared that over a third of high school students reported that their mental health was not good all or most of the time (2021). That number jumps up again, with 44% of teens reporting feeling sad or hopeless every day for at least two weeks.
You can also see the impact of minority stress when breaking it down further: girls reporting poorer mental health than boys, and gay, lesbian, bisexual and questioning teens struggling more with their mental health than their heterosexual peers.
If the term mental health crisis causes a little panic in you as a parent, you’re not the only one. But take a deep breath: the term is broad and you have more power than you think. Remember, you’re not here to solve the crisis amongst the population–you’re here to be a support system to your teen. Helping your teen access mental health care and practice mental health management is the best way for you to make a difference.
With that in mind, here are 3 ways to show your teen you’re safe to turn to:
Be open about when you need help:
Parents are the models of what’s acceptable in the house–if your teen never sees you ask for help, or even admit that you need support in some way, they’re going to learn that they shouldn’t ever ask for help either.
This also goes for admitting when you’re having a bad day. Sometimes it can feel like you need to be an unaffected parent who doesn’t struggle with anything; there’s this American idea of individualism that makes it difficult in our culture to ask for help because we see it as a weakness. But when you show your teen that having bad days or needing help with something is just part of life, it actively helps to normalize those things for your teen as well.
When they see you recognize that you need to ask for help, or that your stress is making you react to things in ways you normally wouldn’t, those behaviors become commonplace for them, which will help guide them when they come up against those types of situations themselves.
Don’t assign motivation to their behaviors without talking to them:
Are they blowing off homework because they are lazy or don’t care about their school work or would rather be on their phone all day? Or are they maybe struggling with something else–whether it’s relationships, time management, stress levels, understanding the course work, etc.–and that’s preventing them from doing the homework as they’re required?
There’s a lot in your teens' internal world that you don’t know. If you come to them accusing them of neglecting their responsibilities due to laziness or selfishness while they’re actually struggling to get out of bed each day due to depression, do you think they’ll feel safe confiding in you? Rather than assuming you know what’s happening, keep your mind open and let them know you’ve noticed some changes in their behavior. Ask them if there’s anything new stressing them out or if they need help managing their time. Allowing them to make mistakes without punishing them for it can help reduce the shame that comes along with mental health struggles, and cultivate trust between you.
Respect their privacy:
Don’t pressure them to share things they aren’t comfortable with. Teens are allowed their private thoughts and expectations of privacy just like everyone else! If you force them to share when they don’t feel comfortable, the trust will erode instead of strengthen. For open and honest conversation, your teen needs to want to come to you–it doesn’t come from coerced sharing.
Respecting their privacy also means not sharing their personal feelings or struggles with others; don’t bring it up to friends and family, don’t assume what they tell you is common knowledge. If it seems to take a lot of vulnerability for them to share with you, take it as a gift and keep it to yourself. Help them find resources they can access on their own, and if their are ones you need to facilitate for them, keep them involved in the process the whole way through.
If you’re looking for additional support in establishing yourself as a safe person to turn to, we can help!