Why Encouraging Outdoor Play for Kids Matters

“Play gives children a chance to practice what they are learning.” - Fred Rogers

When is the last time your child was able to play? Have you noticed how sweet is it to witness them fully present in a moment, unperturbed by any stressors, just throwing themselves into imaginative adventures or joyful activity? Play is crucial for a plethora of reasons. At it’s most basic, through this activity, kids learn about the world around them, and about each other; collecting and cataloging new information while expanding their toolbox of skills. 

Mindfulness, effective communication and conflict resolution are all embedded in play. As they play with others, kids also have to learn how to make space for each other, how to share their belongings, how to include one another equally or fairly, what to do when conflict or hurt feelings come up, and how to get new ideas from one another and be collaborative. 

Play is also a cure for boredom! It gives their minds an opportunity to get creative and solve the problem of their boredom. The more they do this, the more they’re strengthening their creativity and problem solving skills. 

What else does play do for kids?

Play helps to foster feelings of independence. When you leave playtime up to kids, it gives them the chance to use their time exactly as they want to, which is important for all of us sometimes, and something that children get to experience so infrequently. Most of their time is dictated by others, so giving them time that belongs 100% to them is important. They deserve to feel as though they can control some areas of their lives–and being in control of playtime is a great way to accomplish that. 

Play also helps build emotional intelligence. In instances of frustration–either when playing with someone else or when playing on their own–your child will get the chance to learn to deal with their own unpleasant emotions as they pop up. 

So why outdoor play?

While there are plenty of wonderful ways to play and be creative indoors, it’s critical to encourage healthy outdoor play! 

Encouraging outdoor play by nature encourages more physical play–there’s more space for running, jumping, kicking, throwing, and playing sports. This time spent on more physical activities can help build a positive relationship between movement and your child–and gives them the chance to find a manner of getting moving that is fun for them, which will make them want to do it more! By encouraging outdoor activities, you can help to develop a positive relationship with movement in your child from a young age. 

Encouraging kids to play outdoors from a young age also helps to cultivate a positive relationship with nature which we’re learning can have a positive influence on our mental health! It gives them the space to run around and embrace their creativity in an environment where there aren’t consequences for being messy (they won’t ruin a carpet or break a prized family heirloom, or color all over the walls, etc). 

It can also help them develop a stronger relationship with their community. Your yard isn’t the only outdoor place your child can play! There are public parks, hiking trails, bike trails, and other community spaces to explore. 

You can go with them and teach them about traffic safety when walking to new places, how to ask for help, how to get home, and safe places nearby. You can help teach them about your community so that when they are independent enough to walk or bike places on their own you can be confident you’ve empowered them with the information they need to keep themselves safe. And when they’re at parks or community spaces they might meet new friends, or find out about new clubs or teams. 

This list is a good place to start for age appropriate outdoor activities, but you can also just use it as an opportunity to connect with your child. Ask them what they want to do–how do they like to play outside? Is there a game they want to teach you? 

Remember to model the behavior you want them to learn to–that means getting outside and playing yourself too! 

Building Resilience in Kids

What does it mean to be resilient?

To be reliant is to have the ability to navigate tough situations and difficult circumstances, and to recover from setbacks. Basically, it’s your ability to “bounce back.” When something hard happens, are you completely leveled by it? Or do you (after allowing yourself to feel whatever emotions you need to) find a way to pick yourself up and carry on? Do you allow yourself to feel your emotions, while still able to remind yourself that they won’t last forever? That’s what resilience is. 

This isn’t something that comes naturally to most of us–we have to develop it as a skill and practice it, and the more we do, the better we’re able to bounce back after something tough happens. But, unfortunately,  that puts some at an advantage over others. Those without supportive relationships, particularly healthy familial relationships have a much harder time developing this sense of resilience. 

In fact, in researching this sense of resilience within children, it was found that strong relationships with important adults in their family and community was one of the key common threads among children who had that strong ability to “bounce back.” Those strong relationships could be important for any number of reasons including: 

• Providing children guidance on how to navigate difficult situations

• Offering advice or helping the children problem solve to decide how to move forward 

• Providing a sense of security and safety for the children, so they know they are still protected when they are navigating hardships 

So how can you help your child build resilience?

Prioritize the health of your relationship: 

Like we mentioned above, the common thread within those who have a strong sense of resilience is a strong connection and relationship with the significant adults in their lives. These strong relationships show your child that they are loved and protected. That’s a baseline need we all have–care and safety–in order to thrive. When they know they are loved and protected, they are able to be more vulnerable, and able to face difficult situations knowing failure is an option because they will have someone to support them even if they do fail. 

Remember not all stress is harmful: 

No, it’s never pleasant to feel stress, but there is a distinction between regular stress and chronic or toxic stress. We all deal with stress: when we’re giving a presentation at work that we really want to get right, when we want to make a good impression on someone, when we’re working hard at school, etc. None of these things are necessarily bad things, they are just uncomfortable for us–but they also often lead to growth. It’s important to empower your child to learn the difference between regular, manageable stress and toxic stress. When they learn to manage their stress, they gain a feeling of confidence in their problem solving skills, in their intelligence, in their abilities overall. 

Be a sounding board instead of a problem solver: 

Give your child a chance to solve their own problems. Obviously, when things are out of their scope and need to be handled by a parent, it’s your job to step in. But not every problem they face needs to be solved by you. Give them space to try and figure things out for themselves. Ask them questions to help guide them through their problem, (“what do you think would help make you feel better” etc.) but resist the temptation to just instruct them on what to do. 

Encourage self kindness and trying again: 

If how they decide to navigate the situation ends up not helping, give them credit for trying. It’s very hard to try things especially when we don’t know if they’ll work, so fostering a sense of positivity over just trying to navigate your problems as best as you can (even if it’s not perfect) is important! Have them praise themselves for trying, tell them you’re proud of them for the attempt, etc. Let them know in life things are rarely one strike and you’re out, so they are always allowed to try again. 

If you’re looking for support for your child, come talk to us about one of our Groups for Kids! 

Navigating School Refusal

“I’m not going!”

“Yes you are, get your bookbag, we have to leave”

“No, you can’t make me. I don’t want to go, I hate school! ”

These types of interactions occur on a daily basis, and have grown even more challenging as we have collectively worked to navigate the pandemic. Children and teens have been expected to be resilient and flexible, and seamlessly implement a set of adaptive skills that are in many ways brand new to them.

If you have been encountering resistance when it’s time for your child to go to school, it’s important to consider if your child has the skills to articulate the source of their distress. When expressing concern, is your being met with irritation, or an invitation to connect and collaboratively problem solve the challenges they’re facing. 

The first step to navigating it, is to understand why your child is resisting or refusing. School refusal is frequently seen as a behavioral issue; an intentional choice but that is frequently not the case!

Kids resist school for many reasons beyond stubbornness or rebellious behavior. These could be things like: 

Anxiety 

There could be many reasons that attending school causes anxiety in your child. They might struggle leaving you, due to fear that without you there something bad will happen to either you or them. They might struggle with social anxiety, so time outside of structured class time, or the thought of a teacher calling on them might cause extreme distress.

Academic difficulties 

If your child struggles in class, school is naturally going to be distressing for them! It’s hard to sit through class and not know why you’re not understanding. Not only does it have academic consequences, but it also can impact your child’s self esteem! Whether it’s a particular subject they’re having difficulty with, or an undiagnosed learning disability (on average 2 in 5 people with learning disabilities go undiagnosed in childhood) 

Depression

Just as with anxiety, depression is another common mental health issue that could be affecting your child’s distress level at school. If they’re depressed, managing the tasks required of them probably seems much more daunting than it is! 

Social Problems 

This could be bullying, feeling lonely or isolated, having trouble making friends, fighting with their current friends, etc. But there is a huge social aspect to school! These are usually going to be their peers from kindergarten to senior year, so it can feel devastating when you feel like you don’t fit in. 

What can you do about school refusal?

Tackling school refusal is a team effort–and that team needs to start with you and your child. Make it clear to them that you are on their side, and also that this problem, which might feel insurmountable to them, is one you can handle together. 

Beyond you and your child, your team will probably need some support from the school itself. If your child is resisting school for academic reasons, they might need special help. That could be smaller, more supportive classes, teachers with a different teaching style than the one your child is struggling with, tutors, peer support, etc. Talk to your child’s teacher and/or school guidance counselor about what options are available to better support your child’s academic health! 

If they are struggling to manage mental health issues it’s important to get them connected with a child mental health care professional. The school may also have resources to guide you there! But child counseling is a great way to provide your child support in dealing with anxiety or depression, and to help teach them coping skills so they can thrive in their time outside of session as well.